De-Port-tation Day

What a glorious day it was yesterday, getting my port removed. So much of it was a bit surreal but so worth it. Part of me says how awesome to finally complete this circle of Cancer and all that it brings. But another side is nervous that I am being too confident. But in reality I did have the port for a year after the chemo treatments, so I think it was time for it to go. It is pretty for a contraption designed to administer poison to the body- albeit a necessary step in my cancer journey. It's purple, because it always matters what is under your skin, and a purple titanium port is really just wonderful. Why I felt I needed to keep it is unknown, but I felt I did.

I have to say my favorite part is that my vein in my neck does not stick out any longer. And, I don't have a bump on my upper chest. Always a bonus.

So I am calling this a leap of faith that I am healed. Healed by the poison, healed by God.

Polly gets to take a break.

Yeah, whatever.

Vicki

Goodbye

So tomorrow is my last study drug treatment. I am really excited but also feeling a little emotional. Not going to see my nurses every 3 weeks- it's my schedule, it's what I do. It's scary. My body will be on its own. And the anxiety is creeping in. I should be wanting to have a party, but I'm crying instead. Now what the heck is that all about?

My follow up will be: every 3 months CT scan and blood work for the next 2 years. Then it goes to every 6 months for 2 years, then yearly....

Avastin, the study drug. Maybe I am afraid I am not getting it- I don't know. I am almost sure I am. Can't make up mouth sores and nose sores and weird tastes... I know they are testing to see if it is effective in reducing the recurrence rate, but I also hope it helps with the increased chance of getting breast cancer. But I am letting it own me again. Guess strength comes in waves. At least the waves are much bigger and higher than when I first found out about the cancer. That's improvement.

It seems I haven't been giving God much spare time lately. It seems like there is no time. I hate moments like those. So I think tonight I will go over a few sermon notes. Man we have been having some great sermons. I have a lot to say but it just isn't going to happen today.

So tomorrow- last treatment. I pray it is the last of my lifetime.

Somehow

So my second to last treatment was last Tuesday. Tim came with me which was nice since he doesn't always get to come because of work. We got to see Chris, our NP and she is doing well. You might include her in your prayers as she lost her husband about 2 months ago to prostate cancer. Younger guy, 45 or so. But she is a believer and is pressing on and caring for those of us that love and need her. I am one of the only patients that knows- somehow we just clicked right away and sorta blobbed our whole stories out there for each to know. Some how of course being God. He is the some how so many times.

Some how we were in the waiting room with an oncology nurse who was about to find out if she had Ovarian Cancer. She was a trip. But she talked boldly about her faith and shared that and angel had told her she had cancer, then came back and told her it was gone. I know she was one week from her hyterectomy. I choose to believe that her angel was real and telling the truth.

Some how I was sitting next to a newly diagnosed older woman with ovarian cancer. How all this came up is that a woman sitting across from me, waiting for our chair, had on a cap that was white with the teal ribbon and HOPE written thru it. Not often you see Teal ribbons- but that is another soap box. I asked her about it and it turns out her daughter had them made when she was diagnosed and that they were in fact running in a marathon in her honor. She was supposed to go but had to start chemo again. 10th treatment. She looked good and we didn't talk deep, but having to do a little more probably is not the best. But then the conversation started with the woman next to me who showed me the coolest bead made of glass and a teal ribbon inside of it. Beautiful indeed. She was on her second treatment, which means she had just lost her hair, but was fairing pretty well. I did ask what stage her cancer was and she said she doesn't know and doesn't want to know. Funny how different we all can be. Here I am wanting to know all the answers to my questions, and here she is with no questions, just blindly following. I understand it, though. The more you know the scarier it is for sure. She just said it didn't matter because she was going to whoop it anyway.

You just don't find a bunch of Ovarian Cancer people all in the same place, even in the chemo room. Some how arranges that for you some times.

Plus, the girls all but told me that I am getting the study drug. I mean we already felt secure that we were, but its nice to have a little confirmation. And on that lovely note, I only have one left. One more treatment that can wipe me out. One more round of constipation. One more round of mouth weirdness. One more month of eating without an appetite or much taste. But I am so excited that the medicine was mine. I am so excited that I will be followed so carefully for the next 2 years. Every 3 months a CT scan- yes, I know what they do to me, but I will not complain. I am being watched more carefully. That is a blessing. And, I may just be able to get this port out soon. Maybe right after that last treatment. Then you know what is next, right?? The tattoo! Oh yes I am! I think a Heart, with JESUS JUICE on the right side, and LIVES OUT LOUD on the left- we'll see. Ideas would be valued.

As for Polly- she's kind of a normal every day presence here at our home. She kinda doesn't know when to go to bed! And she's been making me go like a maniac. But I really enjoy her. She's the cool I never could be!!

Some how WILL get you thru.

Love to you all.

Vicki- Volly- Pocky- HMMM, how do we combine that one?

Fireproof

Our home group just watched Fireproof. It wasn't quite as hokey the second time around. So much anger in that movie- such a beautiful resolution to it all. Sometimes, saying 'I'm sorry' goes a very long way.

We had fun being together- ate way too much blueberry jello. Which just adds to my identity crisis since I don't like stuff in my jello. Just give me jello, none of that fancy stuff. Well, now that opinion is just blown wide open!! Loved it.

So the identity crisis you ask. Well, a few things. Now that I highlighted my hair I look like my middle sister. Which is wonderful. If I were to let it grow longer and keep up the highlights I would look like my youngest sister. See, I always had that one critical characteristic that made me me- the curly hair. I was the sister with the curly hair. That's it. Also the oldest, but whatever on that one. Sometimes the new normal is kinda hard.

Since my last treatment I just haven't been myself. Not sure why, can't quite seem to get to the bottom of it. I want to be busy, but I want to sleep. I want to be with people but I want to stay home. I want to cook dinner, but I don't. It's like a motivation factor. Motivation has never really been an issue. Of course it could just be that I feel like crap and I keep having coughing attacks and maybe should get a chest xray- but I don't wanna.

What also is stressing me out is this lack of raw emotion. Man, I was the queen of crying or reacting to something terrible or wonderful. Now just not so much. I feel horizontal- no ups, no downs. I just am. I mean I can get my game on at times, but I don't have the stamina anymore to keep it up. Not even with the school board, and you all know how that is going.

I suppose it has been a rather overwhelming year for me and my family and maybe I need to just let that settle in. i just want normal back, but I haven't defined what that is. Kinda goes back to the whole waiting game. Now I'm waiting to see who I am and what I am capable of. I have figured out that I am much more outspoken and opinionated. Like, maybe too much. So feel free to stop me if necessary.

Kids are doing great in school as far as I know. Austin is playing football for the first year and that is giving me a heart attack. Abbi is in the high school and seems to be faring well. She is going to help with back stage scenes for the play. That is good. I just want her involved. Although stage people..... so judgemental I am.

I hope I am fireproof. I feel like I continually have to fight to keep myself in check. I want to be able to live thru this again if necessary. Not by my will, but by my Lords. Maybe that is it- I am not flying on his wings and that is what I need to do. Eagles Wings.

Ok, then it must be time for me to fly (hear REO Speedwagon here)

Love to you all.

Fingers

I can run my fingers thru my hair now. It's kinda cool. I wake up and I have bed head again. Now that is beautiful. And my hair has gone from dry to and bit oily. So many changes, they never seem to stop. Highlights are next!

I get to fight new fights now. Fights with school boards, fights for the children, fights for a healthy marriage. I like those fights. I don't even think about cancer every day, at least not in a fearful way. I don't know if I am following the process I am supposed to follow, if there is such a thing. But what is strange is that I fully expect to have cancer again- that is just what the research says. For some reason it has snuck back in on my thoughts not really as fear, although I also notice that I don't feel my emotions quite the same as I used to. And maybe that just takes time.

Life is pretty normal now. I get to serve again, although sometimes the motivation is overtaken by tiredness or doubt.

I have only 3 study treatments left, one being tomorrow. I hope it doesn't knock me on my butt again

I think today thoughts of cancer happened too often. Too many people, to many different reactions, too many changes that need to be made. Sometimes the journey seems unreal and like it didn't happen. Other times the scars are obvious. I've found that people are afraid to ask questions about my cancer-I am always willing to answer whatever I can.

So on to my treatment tomorrow and whatever it may bring. Hopefully a lunch with a long lost friend.

Life is precious, short, and should be lived fully each day, within Gods plans.

Courage

Courage hardly ever roars. It comes in quiet waves, from deep within the heart, urging it to continue on.

Courage is a strength, a choice, to have some peace, if for only a moment.

Courage is never continual, it is gradual and inconsistent. Courage is love for others, hope for self, and belief that faith is real.

Courage is hard work.

Courage does not sound like a lion, although it may look like a lion to others on the outside.

Courage is continuing to do what you know is right even in the face of adversity, or bad numbers, or no support, or a jerk of an ex husband.

Courage is following thru on your promises.

Courage is trusting, both people and God to meet your needs. Courage is being the hands and feet of God, even when it doesn't seem we have the energy or finances to do so.

Courage is fighting against all odds for the rest of the time God has for you here on Earth.

Courage is facing your immortality-I mean looking at its eyes and saying yes, I know you exist.

Courage is knowing that time will come.

Courage is not knowing when, how or why.

Courage is going every week for blood work and waiting for answers, every treatment waiting for the reactions, every fight waiting for the anger, every bill waiting for the money.

I see courage everywhere and it never is screaming loudly. It is silent and soft spoken, there for others to see if they take the time to look. The young mother with 3-4 kids at the store. COURAGE! The sister who leaves her abusive husband and fights for her kids. COURAGE. The mother of a child with learning problems like autism, CP, ADHD, OCD and all of that. COURAGE to let them go. Pastors who tell us some of what we need to change about ourselves, and themselves. COURAGE.

Courage is an inner battle between giving up and stepping up. Courage is that fight to regain control over your fear, even though you are accepting that there is no control. Courage is believing "Do not fear" and "Fear Not". Courage is meeting with that person you know is hurting but you feel you don't know what to say. Oh please, go to that person and do not fear the words you think are necessary. Sometimes silent support is what is needed. Go, not fearing conversation. That will come naturally, even in those unnaturally horrible circumstances.

Courage is living life. God gives us the grace to have courage. Jesus is our courage and fought the fight for us. All we need do is follow in his foot steps.

Be strong and courageous do not be terrified, do not be discouraged for the Lord your God is with you.

I found my life verse yesterday. So many times it has been read, just proving that no matter how many times you read the Bible, because of life circumstances it will bring something new to the table.

Acts 20:24

I don't care about my own life. The most important thing is that I complete my mission, the work that the Lord Jesus gave me- to tell people the Good News about God's grace.

Paul was one of the most courageous of all. Walking into danger with each new mission. Knowingly walking into danger. Maybe it is easier walking into it knowing it is there. Maybe it is easier having it thrust upon you unknowingly. I've done both now. Neither easy, both life changing.

But that is another story.

Love,

Vicki

What a year can bring

It is somewhat ironic that last year a niece was married in mid July, 4 days after my port was put in, one week before my chemo treatments began. A picture from that wedding is what I carry around to remind myself of what used to be. In it I looked scared, understandably so. But my hair was curly!! In my head the thoughts were a jumble- I was so glad to be there yet so scared about this journey I had to go on. And if you remember getting my port put in was one of the hardest, most 'this is real' days. Having the port put in made cancer real. But having a wedding to go to made life real, and proved it continued on.

This year, another wedding in mid August. i have straight hair. I got to wear the shirt I actually bought for the first wedding but wouldn't wear because it showed my port! My how far my feelings on that have come. Mr. port helped to save my life, so I show him off regularly. He is a part of my body now- hopefully a short while and hopefully never again, yet still an important part of all the cancer journey was and is about.

This wedding I was able to relax a lot more. I held babies (dah) and danced with Jayson, and smiled a real smile, and visited and hopefully looked as good as I feel.

Aron spoke of races, and running our race. I feel I have run my race, received my purple heart, and am ready to move on to the next race. I don't feel a lot of emotional damage from this. I am not sure if that is me lying to myself, although that is certainly not something I do often, or if I really am just ready to put cancer behind me until the next time. Yes, I do feel a next time will happen, don't really know why- but me and that darn intuition of mine.....

So I call this race run- won by the grace of God and some really great medicine. Won because I can smile and continue on. Won because although my hair is dark and straight I still love it. But this race is done. I am not sure what the next race is. I think it might be dealing with High School!! Maybe the entire district that is getting so messed up. Who knows but God, but I am sure he'll let me know when he wants me to know.

So when you see me, see my health. I don't have cancer anymore. I am not nervous anymore. I still have a terrible memory and my tinnitus keeps me from hearing whispering, but all in all a successful race.

Moving on.... to a tri- um doubtful. The marathon was enough for me.

Moving on.....

Polly and Vicki

Love is an action

Love really is an action, not just a feeling. That is what I learned yesterday, and had the night to reflect on.

Love is an action when people bring you meals during a time of severe hardship.

Love is an action when you are able to help someone financially.

Love is an action when you drop everything to go and help someone whose car broke down.

Love is an action when you travel 5 hours to see a beautiful niece marry a great guy.

Love is an action when you choose to play in the water park with the kids instead of sitting at the table drinking coffee.

Love is an action when you volunteer your time to church or community outreach.

Love is an action when you reach out to teens.

Love is an action when you reach out to your own teen.

Love is an action when you choose to NOT yell at the one you love most.

Love is an action when you tell that love something difficult to hear with loving words and encouragement.

Love is an action when you work on keeping friendships vital and alive.

Love is an action when you walk for 3 days to raise money for cancer research. Next year, a personal action.

Love is an action when you obey- whether that is parents, spouses or Christ.

Love is an action when we do what we are being asked by our loving Father.

The greatest act of love is inconceivable to us all: giving the life of a child for the salvation of all who accept Him as Lord and Savior.

Love is a decision. Love is a feeling. Love is an action.

Today is all about Love and figuring out even more ways to show it.

Thank you for springing into action and showing my family more love than we knew was available to us.

Now go out and shock someone else with the love that is so deeply imbedded in your hearts.

Let Jesus be the light and the source of that Love you bring to others.

Vicki

Double edged sword

On the one hand I am so glad to be able to not have cancer be what molds my life, on the other hand maybe it is supposed to- maybe I'm not letting it take over enough.

On the one hand I am so glad that it seems I am getting the study drug, on the other hand I want to complain about the side effects.

On the one hand I am so glad Abbi and Austin are back from camp, on the other hand- well man it was quiet.

On the one hand money is the root of all evil, on the other hand it gives opportunity for so many fun things to do.

On the one hand going on a make a wish trip sounds so great, on the other hand how can I even give it a thought when there are so many sick kids- I'm not sick.

On the one hand the gardens are beautiful, on the other hand they take so much work I am not sure they are worth it.

On the one hand I am eating better, on the other hand I'm not.

On the one hand I feel like I used to feel before cancer, on the other hand there is no more before.

On the one hand I really love how easy my hair is, on the other hand my curly hair was really easy, too.

On the one hand I want to continue to be strong and accepting of all the new things cancer has forced on me, on the other hand I want to swear and scream.

On the one hand I am so proud and excited for my friends who are doing the triathalon, on the other hand I feel incompetent- although I cannot run.

On the one hand I really want to go to Lifetime, on the other hand I just don't have time.

On the one hand I love babysitting, on the other hand- well I still love babysitting.

On the one hand I really love God, on the other hand I just cannot understand the pain and suffering of sick children.

On the one hand I loved being a teacher, on the other hand I love staying home.

On the one hand marriage is really great, on the other hand it is only great because of really hard work.

On the one hand I am healthy, on the other hand I never will be again.

On the one hand I am really happy and full of life and energy, on the other hand fear creeps in and robs my joy.

On the one hand I hate garage sales, on the other hand I love a garage you can put a car into.

On the one hand I love making new friendships and watching them grow, on the other hand good bye is just to hard.

On the one hand I love to laugh, on the other I think I'm getting too sassy and brash.

On the one hand family is sweet, on the other hand family is complicated.

On the one hand I didn't do anything wrong, on the other hand someone thinks I did.

On the one hand I love writing, on the other hand it feels imposed.

On the one hand I want to publish this, on the other hand it feels egotistical.

On the one hand I want to tell my God story, on the other hand I don't understand how anyone who didn't know me or go thru this with me could understand what these posts mean.

On the one hand there is always another....

CIY a synopsis of each day

Take this life, make me take Your life

Take my time here on this earth and let it glorify all You are

I am nothing without you.

All my soul needs is all your love to cover me

There is nowhere I would rather be

than with you for all to see

You are all my soul needs

I am nothing without you.

No matter what path he has us on

No matter what paths we’ve chosen

Whether a wrong choice that becomes

an open gate to the forgiveness of God

Or an uncontrollable circumstance that becomes

an open gate to the heart of whom we are

We are HIS

He rules our paths, whether chosen or given

Whether wanted or despised

He knows the reason, He made the season

To prove to you that He is love

He is forgiveness

He is grace

He is all sufficient

He is our Savior

He is I am

I am HIS

Therefore He is mine

Open Gates

Open gates lead us to many different areas of our hearts. Some have to be explored because of our circumstance. Sometimes we are pushed into that position of having to figure out how God plays a role in the middle of our pain. Some pain is easy to identify, but some is not. Some areas of our hearts are easy to see, easy to understand, but many are not. When we are forced to look we are sometimes shocked at the truth we have let grow within us. Truth that is not. Truth that is a lie.

The truth is that we are loved and are to love no matter what. Doesn’t matter about the color of skin, doesn’t matter about our wealth. It doesn’t matter if we are a doctor or a hot dog vendor, God loves us all the same. We spend so much time comparing ourselves, lifting ourselves above others. And oh how much time we spend looking up to others. Others do have a place in our lives of course, but others will ALWAYS let you down. And that let down often is the reason so many of our hearts become filled with lies. The lies are that we are worthless, too bubbly, too serious, ineffective, ugly, have bad hair, our feet are ugly, our clothes are all wrong, we wear too much or too little makeup, our shoes are wrong. How about our clothes- my goodness the drama of not having Aeropostale or Holister or American eagle clothing. Heaven forbid we buy almost everything off of the sale rack at Kohls with the 15% off coupon. The games we play as teens. Do you really care if someone has a great shirt? Do you look at someone and say yeah, I can hang with them since they have…. Or how about this- man they are having so much fun dancing/jumping, but I feel foolish doing it. I have a hard time believing that from you. I’ve watched you , and I think that so much of who we dress to impress is really about us wanting to be accepted by others, not the other way around.

Now that is a heavy open gate. There are so many more. Illness causes a flood of gates to open- the ones where you question the validity of your life. You question the reason for the journey. You worry constantly, to the point of anxiousness and isolation. But there is so much more. As a bald person I noticed that people could not look me in the eyes when I felt good enough to go to the grocery store. You see, life doesn’t stop just because it sucks. In fact in continues on while it sucks. You either go with it and figure it out on the way, or you stay locked in a cave that only has room for one. One is not enough for me. I made a conscious, purposeful effort and decision to do what God led me to do. My job was to take those who wanted to come on the cancer journey with me. I wasn’t sure how to do that. Turned out it was thru writing, or posting. I wrote about my battle with cancer, my battle with fear, my battle with fear of dying, not from the standpoint of dying really as it was of leaving my children and husband. I wrote about each and every stinkin test, what they meant, what my prognosis was/is. Some gates are very scary to go thru.

But gates do not lead to a one way street. They lead to a divided highway. On one side you have the way to stay in the flesh. Continuously returning to the fear, anxiety, behavior, lust, doubt, disbelief, ego as the focus. On the other side, a light that leads you toward an end to it all- or at least the process of ending the fear, anxiety, behavior, lust, doubt, and ego and focusing on the only way to get past them. Trusting in the sufficiency of Gods grace and mercy. Trusting that he is true to his promises. Trusting in his ability to give the physical and emotional strength necessary to get thru. And with Him we will get thru. Thru does not mean an easy path, thru means knowing He is in control and with that your ability to let go and let God.

What God has begun in you he will see to completion. What completion looks like is different for each and every one of us and each and every one of our circumstances, but thru he will get you, if only you will let him thru, thru to control the gateway to your heart.

Jesus Key

There are many keys we can use to get us on different paths

So many to choose from it’s a wonder we can ever make a good choice.

But we have learned that God will get what he is after from you and your life.

We can either make it easy or difficult for Him to achieve.

We love to learn the difficult way for some reason. We continue to sin, we continue to behave or dress in a way not to uplifting to God. We continue because changing is so difficult.. We are drawn into the things that are easy, and being a sinner is so much easier than trying to change and to become more Christ like.

Freedom comes at a high price- the price of spilled blood, the price of a crucified savior. There is a light that only comes on the opposite side of obedience. A perfect lamb became the perfect lamb who became our perfect lamb, Jesus. That light is the blood of Jesus, a perfect sacrifice, the perfect sacrifice, our perfect sacrifice.

The keys to this life get us nowhere fast. But there is one key that can open up every door we want or need open. It’s the Jesus key, and we have unlimited use of it. When sin surrounds us, and it will, we can use that key to open a different gate. When sin surrounds us and we choose to accept it, to taste the sweetness of a moment on the wild side we must always remember to repent, confess so you have some accountability, and return to the Jesus key to set us free. There is NOTHING that we can do that takes away the privileged of that key except to choose to not believe.

Once we use the key, we begin the process. We must complete the process in order to claim our victory. And some issues take a lot of practice in following the process that leads to freedom. But we cannot forget that the process is messy. If you want to have the blood of Christ be your salvation, your forgiveness, then you will need to get messy. Nothing worth fixing is easy to do. Nothing worth doing is easy. Having children is not an easy process. It is humiliating in some respects and down right painful. But we know the process is worth it all because of that little child that has just come into this world. We would do anything for our children even before they are born.

We must cross the threshold of the Passover doorway. We must take on that blood of the lamb, the blood of our lamb, Jesus Christ in order to begin the process. Not all change is good, but all change is messy. If it a change for God, then it will be even messier. So put on your play clothes and go out and get really messy with your stuff. Name it, throw it, stomp on it, scream and yell at it and then be rid of it. When it creeps back in to try to take you thru that wrong gate- name it again and walk away. It does get easier each time you take it down. Persistence and patience are the key to letting God mess with your stuff. He is stronger than lust, addictions, anger, mediocrity, abuse, lies, that one mistake,

There are many keys to living, but only ONE key to LIFE- THE JESUS KEY.

Crossing

James’ shirt summed it up for me today. It said “I’m with stupid” and the arrow pointed to himself. An irony at its finest as we learned that God is the smart one. Now I am not saying James is stupid! I’m saying we all should have that shirt.

God is the smart one because he knows what we are going to do. He knows what decisions we are going to make before we even know what they are about. Before an issue surrounds us God has a plan to get us out. The plan comes designed by God in spite of our attempts at fixing it ourselves. He already knew we would try that. So he is so smart that he adjusts his path for us around our mistakes!

Take for example the mistake of prejudging. I choose that because it is a struggle I endure daily. While I tend to label people based on whatever notion, I still always leave room for the truth- meaning I judge but don’t necessarily believe that it is correct. And how wrong I often am. So I prejudge, based on an action I thought I saw. What I saw was hugging bordering on flirting, but what it actually was a hug designed to comfort and make the person feel protected from something. Not a huge pre-judgement, but still, wrong. So God already knew I would think that way and thankfully this time let me find out the truth quickly. (Actually, that one I made up so stop trying to figure it out)

God is so smart that he knows we sometimes want to create our own Red Seas. We go out looking for them instead of waiting to see what they are. Sometimes they are deep and scary, too murky to see thru. Sometimes they are a little easier to see, but scary to cross because we don’t know what is in the Sea that might bite. And excuses and whining will only make the journey thru the Sea longer. Had the Israelites stopped whining and complaining, if they had remembered that God was before them and behind them every step, their reward would have come to them sooner. Or since God already knew that the Israelites would act like that he planned the route to the Red Sea to be long and difficult so their reward would be all the sweeter. I’ve heard it said both ways and both make sense.

The point is, we don’t know if our Red Sea will be a short or a long journey. But what we do know is that we will have many seas to cross, some small and daily, some long and treacherous which leave us wondering what the purpose is. But there is always a purpose and it is to grow closer to the One who knows all of you- the GOOD, the BAD, and the UGLY.

Look at each Sea, listen to each word God brings to you and what it means in your life today, or the issue of the day. Each precious word that God wrote is for you and will seem different with each new Sea you add to your life experience. Never forget that no matter how large and deep and murky the water looks, God loves you enough to part it for you so you can get to the other side: fish bites, seaweed, jelly fish stings and all….. So choose to cross, with the power of the Cross in your hands.

Worship

We who have been saved have a crown with many jewels in it, each representing and idol. So many jewels we can scarcely identify them all.

Jesus is the heart shaped diamond in the front of our crown, the first thing people should see about us, who we should be worshipping. There are so many other jewels- the red ruby for our boy/girl friend, the green emerald for the love of self, the blue sapphire for our world of technology. The crown is full of jewels representing the idols of this world. Because we already love God we have the RIGHT jewel on our crown. We need only turn it to the front. Turn away our other jewels, turn away from these earthly idols. Purposely put the heart diamond in the front so all will know that God reigns over you. You are his, he is stronger, he loves more, so be glad and joyful.

Just like the Jesus key we can always turn our crown to the one and only jewel that matters, the Jesus diamond, the most precious and valuable jewel we can be given. A diamond given to us as a gift, bought by God thru the shed, spilled, gushing, dripping blood of our Savior and friend, Jesus.

So stop holding it in, start living out loud. Composure is no longer an option. Show people you worship the only God. Tell people thru words and actions that Jesus comes first. Love more, Love better, Love others, Love yourself. Pray for each other, hold each other accountable. Speak your ‘thing’ out loud to someone so that you must face the issue head on.

Most of all know that you worship the one and only God, who gave his only son so that you may live in eternity with Him.

You are loved.

Ichabod

Ichabod means the glories have parted

How is it so much different being an Icabod of today to that of the old testament? We learned that Moses even though he got to see God, could only go to the Holy of Holies when invited. Because of the death and resurrection of Jesus our Christ we have become the Holy of Holies- Our bodies are the dwelling place for the holy spirit, for our God. The Israelites had to follow a cloud, we follow the glory of God. The Israelites had the Temple and the Tent of Meeting, which because of Jesus is now us. The spirit of God that moved over the Israelites is what we have inside of us today. He resides in us. He is not a dark cloud following us around.

All we do is to be done for the glory of God. When the question is “Lord, what is your purpose for my life” we have to step back and see that our life is no longer our own. Life is not for our purpose but for his image to be multiplied all over the earth. The purpose is for God to use us for his glory. In Romans we learn that Jesus died for God’s glory first and foremost, for the glory of the Father. We are just the benefactor of Jesus death on the cross.

Our purpose is to amplify his name and glory among the nations, to preach the gospel to all nations for God’s Glory. He will not faint, he won’t grow weary. To live is to let God be a part of your new life.

Our Challenge:

• recognize you need to spend time in the presence of God. You must daily read your bible.
• Presence proceeded purpose- you have to have Him present in order to have a purpose.
• Would you be willing to spend the rest of your life aligning yourself to Gods glory- to make HIS purpose known- The Glory Imparts?
• Can you live a life to the Glory of God?

On this last day we spent a lot of our His Time talking about our envelopes, opening among our trusted friends. I did finally open mine just a few days ago and it is to teach a younger child something you do well (guitar, algebra) for free. That being said, I do know algebra if anyone needs help.

I have grown to love spending some time with you all. Thank you for accepting me. I believe I might want to join you guys for youth group and such. You are an awesome bunch of kids. My comment for many years has been how impressive our children’s groups seem to be. Now I know there is still plenty of crazy stuff going on, but you have your heads on straight, at least most of the time. I loved watching the bonding between such a large group. And I am most thankful that my kids get to experience it now, and then again in a few years. But for the record, I am a lot stronger than Eric made me out to be- FO SHO! So don’t think you can scare me. I’ve lived just a little myself and know many of the different things you guys are, will and must go thru.

I wrote this recap of each evening for me as much as for you. God speaks to me when I write, during songs, during teaching, and sometimes when I just sit and listen to what he wants me to type up. I hope these little synopsis’ will help to keep the teachings fresh. Keep growing with your Jesus. There is never an end to what he can teach us, on the pulpit, during a walk with friends, or while sitting and people watching. But be warned, when your red sea is directly in front of you and you know what it is- take the plunge- learn about what he has waiting for you on the other side. I may be rough but it will always be worth it. And besides, if you don’t jump in on your own, you will be forced into it, and into the deep end first. So go the right way, wade in then keep on walking thru. Thru brings you to that new beginning. The only way to the new beginning it thru.

Go thru.

I love you all very much,

Miss Vicki

One year ago...

So, yeah, it's really late, but my mind is stuck so I thought I'd give it a voice. Got stuck on one year ago today- Shelly came over at about 7:00 am with coffee, in her jammies to be with me until Tim got home from work. July 18th was my first chemo. Didn't sleep much that night. Think I might fast again tomorrow, just to remember all those who have and are suffering the madness of cancer. Man it messes with your head.

So at the first chemo treatment Shelly, my dad, and my sister came. We filled the place to be sure. I had my Jesus Juice cross to go with the medicine. Shelly brought a craft, but I was too scared to even move- my fingers just wouldn't move. Oh the tension, the reality that seemed to be not real, the slow motion of the whole day. But paper roses were made, laughs did happen, and the beginning of some great aquaintances started. Infusion rooms are a busy place- young people, old people, first timers, and people who were ready for their final treatment. A bond you don't want to have to share. I sure hope I am your 20% that gets cancer!

Today I will fast, in remembrance of my journey, and for those to follow, those who went before. I still have my list- a running list that grows monthly.

Cancer changes who you are- gives you this new beginning that you didn't ask for and don't exactly know what to do with. The forgetfulness, the appearance change, the confidence change, the inability to focus, to commit, to challenge too much. A limbo that just has a life of its own.

I am not that scared any more, but struggle with different issues now- like what is my body supposed to feel like and act like? How long do I have to look like a cancer patient? Am I survivor yet or is it called something else? Am I doing too much but being back to normal activity? It doesn't feel like it.

Current fears: well, that pesky 40% increased chance of breast cancer, my CA 125 coming up on Tuesday along with my treatment. Pit dwelling material.

Remember to talk to that bald person if you can. They could use a happy face- a normal conversation.

Remember to pray for us survivors, for strength and courage and the ability to know our bodies. Pray for the people receiving treatment- my sister's sister in law Donna being one of them.

Thank you for coming with me.

Much love,

Vicki

Packing

Never have I left the majority of my family for a week. That is exactly what I am doing come Sunday. I am going to CIY with our senior high group. I am excited and a tad nervous, but I really feel led to be going on this. It's just that it is the week after VBS and there is no time for a rest.

VBS was awesome as always. I missed being with the children, though. I have always enjoyed and thrived on working with those preschoolers. Sure looked like they were having fun. I got to change where I usually volunteer and do the mission project for VBS. We chose Team Timmy and The Bottomless Toy Chest and the kids brought in so many games and toys, and toiletries that their cars were full!! What an awesome witness. Plus both charities were represented at the closing ceremony and got to speak to the children for a moment. It was wonderful that they were able to see how much came in for them.

So I just can't envision being away from home- oh wait, let me try. No laundry, cooking or cleaning. HMM. No gardening, no weeding, no picking up after everyone else. HMM. Can my hubby handle this- being with the boys for a week? Ha, can't wait to find out. I am looking forward to spending time with the teens since I now have one going into high school and it terrifies me. How do we keep them sweet and innocent? HOW? I am sure I'll find out more information than I ever expected.

So here I am, packing up to go to a college campus for a week. Feel like I need a microwave and mini fridge, but I suppose we can live without it.

Packing up a years worth of yuck. I really thought so much more was packed away, but that is not true. I have been unable to really feel deeply- like I don't seem to cry at things that would normally make me cry. I kinda don't feel anything except flat. But when I am with people I am happy and joyful, but when just alone or living normal, there's just not much there. I am not sure how it all fits in, fits together with everything else.

My sisters sister in law has just been diagnosed with breast cancer, in her nodes, and may be stage 3b. Cancer- cancer- cancer. I want it to have a head to I can poke its eyes out and choke it. It's just everywhere. I feel numbness, not passionate about it right now. Perhaps that is part of the journey, I just don't know.

What is this plan for me? God, what is the plan?

Guess I have my homework for CIY.

Love to all,

Vicki

Fast

Today was a good day all in all. Did more cleaning and organizing for the garage sale in 2 days. Went to my physical therapy, made dinner, went to Jayson's teeball game and then to DQ. It was his last game for the season. Austin's team continues tomorrow night in the second game of the playoffs. STRESS!!

My mood was a bit ugly and I couldn't figure out why. It dawned on me when I finally took a shower today (at 8:45 pm) that Friday is that one year mark- one year since my hysterectomy- one year since finding out the cancer was indeed more progressed than anticipated- one year since hearing Stage 3b cancer, blah blah blah. A life changing day to say the least.

My ears ring constantly now, a little side effect of the chemo. My hip hurts often but not constantly any longer thanks to PT. My hair is getting thicker, maybe even has some wave. I still have to look twice when I pass by a mirror, though. I don't quite recognize myself. Neither do people who don't know about my fight or haven't seen me during it. Now that is strange. I've wanted to say hello to some people but then remember that I am not who they knew. I am not recognized. And other friends wouldn't recognize me any other way. What a year.

So I plan to celebrate by fasting on Friday. I am hoping you will join me, fasting for friends and family with cancer, whether cured, ill, or freed. I know fasting is supposed to be a bit personal and secretive, but what a better way to storm heaven with prayers than to ask you all for some help. No matter what you choose to fast from- you decide- I hope you will take some time on Friday to pray for those of us whom you love, for healing, strength, and hope. Pray for our families and friends. Pray for a cure. Pray for new and advanced treatments. Pray for the 3 day walk for breast cancer. Pray for the children. Pray for knowledge and information. Make out a list of the people you know who have suffered with cancer, live with cancer, have won eternity because of cancer. Put it on the fridge, then shiver at the number of people you know. My sister's sister in law is the newest addition to my list. Her name is Donna Payne. Her beast is breast cancer. I wish I knew how we could make a corporate list of all of our people, but I am not sure how to do that.

Lets kick some cancer butt by bringing it before the healer of all, a storm of prayers in one day, all day.

Thank you- just thank you for all you are to me.

Vicki, Polly and Zeva.....

OCD

I have finally found my inner OCD. It isn't often that I get to see it, but it hit a few days back. We're trying to get ready for a garage sale, so going thru each closet, each room, each hiding place is mandatory. We had to make room in the garage so we could bring up all the stuff from the storage room. It sure will be nice to move around in there again. So today, while stretching my back/hip and not sitting down (since that is the primary culprit) I cleaned the kids bathroom closet and the drawers in the vanity. Um, gross. Then the hall closet which is the medicine/personal care product closet. Now there is a whole empty shelf! Then the front hall closet. All I want to know is where it all comes from? We have so much we can have a HUGE garage sale. It's a bit disturbing, really. But it is what it is. Time to get rid of some of the games and toys. Time to get rid of a set of dishes and many other kitchen items (again with the empty shelves). We want to get a couple futons for the basement with the garage sale $$ so kids can hang and stay over night more comfortably. We have a great treadmill if anyone is looking....

One of my physical therapists is from Germany and she is awesome. I've learned the Germany is mostly a Catholic and Lutheran culture with a few 'free' churches as she called them. She just went home for a long weekend for a first communion. We were talking about the differences in the cultures, something that has always interested me. The free thinking they have about the human body and how we just don't. She was saying that they spent most of their schooling in their underwear because they are trying to feel muscles and such. It was difficult for her to learn to feel thru clothing. Interesting how we as a culture make everything sexual, and they walk around naked and it is not a sexual 'experience' at all. She's an awesome PT for sure and funny.

Yesterday on my way home from a funeral home I passed a Lutheran church and its sign said 'Worship God not religion". Yep, that is what it is about alright.

One other patient I've gotten to know a bit since our PT times coincide, mentioned that I looked a bit off on Tuesday. I tried to remember Tues. and remembered that Monday was the evening when I accidently took Austin's Amoxicillan, and I am allergic to it. So I was for sure tired, and had been up a lot that night with my hip pain. But as I continued on with my routine I remembered that Tuesday was the day after Memorial Day, and one year ago on that day is when I had the results of my CT scan and found out that I had some sort of cancer. So I told her about that. We had already talked about cancer. Her son was diagnosed with a rare cancer when he was 3!! He is 16 now. So we've had that bonding time. I thought it a bit profound that someone I hardly knew picked up on some signal I didn't even know I was carrying. Guess it was bothering me more than I knew. It isn't really, but it must be, some where deep down.

I know this was a bit, um, disjointed. Chalk it up to my own personal ADD.

A year ago. But now I am here, feeling great, and, ironically, waiting for the results of my CT scan from Wednesday. I am almost laughing.

So there it is again, Waiting for Tuesday. I think that is the title of the book I haven't decided to write.

Love,

Vicki, sitting in the palm of God's hand with my Polly.

Comparison

May 2008:

Pain, cold, CT scan, finding out I have cancer, scheduling surgery, CA 125 of 276, fear, anxiety, secrecy, kids, tunnel getting smaller, twisting, turning, motion sickness: somebody stop this ride. Baseball meant I was going because I might not get to again. Getting to those games for the boys was accomplishing memories. Getting to Abbi's track meets meant pictures of my girl running. Memory building. That was what last May was about. Preparing for the 'just in case' phase of cancer and it's rampage on its owner.

May 2009:

PT for hip/back issues, decent baseball weather, busy almost every moment of each day. Little anxiety, little pain (back), calmness, energy, desire, life. Amazing what a year can bring you thru. Now baseball means watching Austin whack it and get 4 doubles with his new bat. It means watching his friends hit home runs, talking with friends openly without secrecy, sometimes making some really funny, but bad jokes about cancer and chemo (some only a survivor can relate to). Chemo has taken it's tole. but it is minor. Loosing words and some memories, forgetting in a different way than usual, straight hair. Minor, minor, minor compared to going thru the treatments and uncertainty.

This year has brought new friendships, new outlooks, new everything, really. Even new glasses in a week or so. Sometimes I even forget there was an illness here. That is really how good I feel. Normal. Haven't I been asking for that? Well, I like it.

It is impossible really to compare the years. But thinking back to the emotions and the physical pain and fatigue of last year and knowing how I feel now is bizarre. I can't believe it's only been a year. I am so thankful God let it be done quickly, at least this round. Hopefully no more rounds will be needed. Hopefully He gave my ovarian cancer to KO and knocked it out in the first round.

I feel relief, gratitude, mercy and grace, blessed, alive, awakened, replenished, renewed, optimistic, happy, ready. Ready for a summer that will make up for missing last year. Although, considering, I really had a decent summer. Still played, still was outside, still saw friends, still had the kids in their 'stuff' but never could have done that without support. This year, I get to regain a bit of control- or ability to do what we want to do.

Regained my control of my ability to do.... Thank you Lord.

Love,

Vicki, Polly, and Ziva!

Gardens

What a gorgeous day today. Boy did I get to do some work today. Spray painted a swing (don't really like spray paint) picked up some branches from 2 of the 15 or so trees that need to come down, PT, and weeding. Finally get to weed the garden instead of myself. I am not so happy with the squirrels who really did not do a good job planting in an asthetically pleasing way! Why in the middle of the new perennials? Man. But I cannot wait to see the plants that I planted last year before my personal gardening began.... But the big garden by the barn- yikes. Need about 10 people to help with that one. Have about a million trees growing in it now....

I wonder what that means- trees in the middle of a flower garden. HMM. Have to mull that one over.

In the 10 years that I've been at MCC I have never had to leave the sanctuary during service because of being overly emotional. Yesterday really hit me hard. Listening to the song by Beth Sharrows grand daughter about her mothers love, respect and awe of Beth's love of God... I just lost it (thank you Jann) because I want my kids to want to sing that someday, too. Oh how I hope I am a good witness to them. Oh how I hope Jesus shines thru even the scary days. I don't think they even know that I write on here. I've never let them read it- just too much emotion I think for their little souls. Oh what a great song/poem, what a beautiful voice, what a legacy.

So maybe my garden is still being weeded and pruned! I should be used to that. We all should be really. It's an ongoing process no matter what is going on in life.

Maybe the trees are the BIG things in life that try to take over the sun that the garden needs.

Until next time.... Cut down the dead trees!

Year

I'm not supposed to write this late, but I just can't help it. A friend and I were talking about how much can happen in a year. She is the friend who had the boys stay over night the day of my surgery last summer- took them to baseball and all that. And baseball is what brought on this rush of- I'm not sure. Not really emotions but just a sense of awe I guess. Last year at this time I was saying no to my meetings because they were interfering with baseball and family. I wasn't really sure how much more family I was going to get, you know. None of us really knows, but my view was particularly cloudy at the time. I was walking to the games in so much pain- and stuck emotionally because I didn't really have 'the' answer yet. I remember hoping it wasn't really cancer, but I knew it was and I knew it wasn't going to be good. But hope is a good thing.

It was a year ago that I had the ultrasound- and in a few weeks, a year since the CT scan that revealed my worst fears. June 12 @ 4:00 is one year since surgery- July 18th one year since my first chemo. It's a strange place to be- a one year ago place. I missed the creeping flox in my neighbors yard. I keep having to say 'that must have been 2 years ago' because I wasn't really involved in summer activities last year. Very strange.

But I must say I like one year ago. I don't really have a fear of much any more- except zip lining! I can go, go, go again. I can sit and watch baseball without rating my pain. And hair is good. So much different being a girl with a curly hair personality stuck with a straight haired head! Hair is good.

Laughing is good. Enjoying whatever I want to is good. Even the scar is getting better. Physically and emotionally. I feel like I am not sure if I really went thru all that because I feel so good. I swam today, and actually have 'good' workout pain for a change. I've started PT for my hip and back and am excited for it to kick in and 'kick butt' (sciatic nerve joke).

I met a new friend at Lifetime today- Peggy. She works there. She's bald and wears a hat. I stopped to talk to her and introduce myself. Then I said I wanted to make sure I looked her in the eyes, since people tend to be afraid to do that sometimes. She has felt that same phenomenon. Bald is beautiful. Smiles are beautiful. Fundraisers are beautiful. Say hi to her when you are there, and look her in the eyes and smile.

Life is important. Love makes life bearable. Friends and family are love.

Hug your mom. One of those lingering, tear filled hugs only a mom can cause you to have.

This is going to be my last post that I send to you all. I'll still be writing- waiting for God to tell me what to do with all this information. I envision still writing at least once a week, so you'll have to sign on to the site to read them. I am glad they touched you. I am so honored that you let me into your lives and let me share the ugly and beautiful parts of this really crappy journey. I am realizing it's a life time journey, but it is less intense now- praises to God our healer and sustainer. I feel normal now- I feel so good. I know it shows. Thank you for sharing your computer time with me.

Without my family (including in laws and my family) and my friends and my church I don't know if I would have had such a faithful and God touched journey. You were His hands and feet, His words and encouragement. Thank you for obeying and for comforting His child and her family.

Vicki

PS- Polly is still here- she is zip lining in NC. She just can't stop jumping off......

KAPOW

Anyone else from church get beat up yesterday? It was a good beating, don't get me wrong. Kind of made me want to whine about whining.

Relationship- it's all about our relationship with Jesus. A foreign concept to some 'religions' who do set up those rules and regulations to make you a good (fill in the religion of choice). I dropped religion long ago. Repeating text that was memorized and regurgitated did nothing for my heart. Finding a Jesus who was real, who was mine, who is yours, was very real. It changed my heart, changed how I look at people, talk and react, live and breath. It definitely changed how I fight. I've been known to chase after a good fight- literally. But I've never actually been in a fist fight. The fights I sought usually revolved around a sister or friend who was being threatened or wronged. I have a strong sense of loyalty to my friends and sisters. Some of you have seen that, some haven't. It can be ugly at times, but only because of the deep love for these people. Add a husband and 3 children and you have an instant recipe for a strong defensive strategy. (Please do not mess with my kids!!)

I like to move forward, to be propelled forward. I've never had to lean in to God like I have this past year, that is for sure. I am very glad I had some practice, though, before cancer entered my life- and yours. Although I was, and at times still am, scared about the future, I never was mad at God or blamed Him for any of this. That is big I think. I've had enough experience leaning on Him in the smaller things (comparatively speaking) so I was able to lean in during the beast of burdens.

KAPOW! That video was amazing. Doesn't He care that I am perishing?( I don't mean I think I am dying, but we all will) Doesn't He see my storm? Doesn't He care enough to calm it for me, too? Maybe Jesus was just pretending to be asleep on that boat. Maybe it was a test- to see if the disciples knew Him at all. They didn't, until that day. I think Jesus was asleep because He was resting in the knowledge of knowing. Knowing that God is right in the middle, down in the hull of our boat in the storm. Personally I get so sea sick. Tends to be how I react at times, too. Make myself sick with worry, or fear, or longing, or confusion, or denial, or avoidance. When I do finally call out, Jesus always answers me. And that unexplainable peace, that peace that passes all understanding, is mine. It's inexplicable if you've never experienced it. I mean really, what's there to be peaceful about in any storm we have? But KNOWING that I am not in control, that God has my back, no matter how the storm ends, is reason for praise and peace.

I used to think the song "Lean on Me' was written from a people perspective. Maybe it was divinely inspired from Jesus' perspective.

"Lean on me, when you're not strong, and I'll be your friend, I'll help you carry on. For, it won't be long, till I'm gonna need somebody to lean on."

Guess it is from a people perspective since Jesus doesn't need to lean on anyone for support. Thanks for being my support.

Andy said that Jesus is in our boat and if we would just lean in, take that first propelling step forward, God WILL rush in, and that is faith in action.

I John 4:18 says, There is no fear in love. Perfect love casts out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

You cannot find perfect love anywhere here. People are just not perfect. Only Jesus can give that to us. Yet another free gift if we would only receive it.

So as I've been saying, love on.... in Jesus name.

Vicki (and I think Polly was here today)

Numbers

Number just rule life! Numbers make or break a day when you have been diagnosed with cancer, living with cancer. My number was good, CA 125 of 24. Love 24. Hate being a slave to the number. Yet without that number we wouldn't know what was going on inside me. It's a love/hate relationship.

I am so excited to have a spring and summer. We missed it last year. I can't remember what the kids did because I wasn't really a part of any of the activities- some, yes, but not like usual. Strange loosing a whole season of memories. I am ready to start pricing the mulch and get the gardens looking pretty. Good thing I mostly do just perennials. But oh man, the weeds left over from last year.

Time to pull all those weeds, the ones in the garden, the ones that still control me at times. Weed of fear, I am pulling you and throwing you away, in my pile to God. Weed of anxious waiting, be gone. Weed of doubt, head on to the pile. Weed of recurrance worry, ZAP. Weed of time stealing, stop and face my Jesus. Thank you Lord for being my gardener. Please add mulch and beautify my soul.

Yep, time to garden.

Vicki

Please pray for my friend whose numbers are acting up. Thanks.

Running

Coming back from this vacation is so bitter sweet. It was our first vacation since cancer entered our lives. Tim had to use his summer vacation last year for my surgery/chemo treatments. It was about a year ago that my tummy pains became unbearable. As I was outside today raking out the gardens I realized that at this time last year I couldn't do that. I don't think I realized how much pain I was having. But fast forward to today, and I feel like I can relate to so much more in life.

Take running away for example. Being gone for 10 days from responsibility of the home is so great!! Just going and doing what we wanted- road trips- family and friends. I get running away. I rarely thought about cancer while gone, or recurrance, or anything else pertaining to cancer. It was great. But on that long car ride home I remembered- treatment on Tuesday, back to reality.

I know that my hair is getting longer and it is difficult to tell, if you don't know me, whether I am healing or just have short hair, right? But this is what happened while zip lining. The owner was relating a story about a grandma who wanted to make a lasting memory for her grandchildren because she was dying of cancer. He went on to tell us about how much fun they all had. Austin just looked at me with that smirk and said, 'but not you mom'. (yeah, cry here) I just said, nope, not me. We've conquered cancer and now we will conquer zip lines. How do you make light of such a comment. It isn't light at all. How I wish I could be inside their heads so I knew what they were really thinking. In this politically correct world, maybe we could come up with a way to say things differently about the things that are truly important- like life. Living with cancer- not dying. Good grief people.

So we ran some more, to Great Wolf Lodge in NC and had a blast. No time for anything but fun. Then ran to DC for a couple days. At least until the vortex swallowed us. We can't seem to go on a vacation without having car issues. So, on the way to DC the truck window got stuck down. Why, you may ask, was the window down. Well, that is because we were waving to my sister and her family from our truck, on the freeway, going 70 miles an hour. We did this a couple times, even took pictures. But the best part was the semi truck driver who joined in, honking his loud semi horn, waving and acting silly just like us. It was hysterical! Of course we got his picture, too. Anyway, 4 hours late, we arrived in DC.

Speaking of DC- have you ever stayed at a 4 star hotel?? I haven't, but we got in one for so cheap from Priceline.com. So we get there at 10:30, looking like you do after a 6 hour trip, made 4 hours longer because of the car detour. Got the picture. So we're trying to unload and the bell hops won't let us touch our own bags, load them on the carts and all that. Very nice, but when it's pouring rain, really, just let us get our stuff. Too much pressure to do it in front of the bell hop. Then they take it up to your room and bring it in the room. Too much for this do it yourself gal!! Still, nice. The hotel was so beautiful. We looked like a bunch of country bumkins in the big city!! On Thursday we walked the city- 5.25 miles that day. Stayed mostly in the area of the monuments and the reflection pool. Didn't get to see any tea partied, though.

What a great vacation/run away. I like the feeling of not having to think about anything except having fun. All good runs must come to an end though. I am thankful for the chance to run, for feeling so great, for being able to keep up with the 'normal' people.

I did get a chance to run to God, too. Got one week done in my bible study that I am so far behind in. And I saw him so often- in having a place to get the car fixed, in the children mostly making it thru DC and walking, in keeping the kids healthy, in meeting my sisters friends, in meeting up with Shelly, but wanting Beth to be there too. I just love how God is there in the middle of it all. No blow ups, no major issues, just some fun.

Let the running stop. Let the way of living begin- If I ran forever I would never have the time to stop and reflect- to stop and see the good in life, even the good in sickness. So, back to walking the walk, with you and Jesus by my side.

Vicki