We learned a new word: Chazaq -
1. To find strength, to be strengthened, to grip harder
2. To continue on
3. To fix what was broken
4. To take courage, to add resolve
I'm going to choose faith to live. (might even choose it as a tattoo.) Today I found out the my CA 125 did go down- but only from 51 to 49. That's a little disturbing. Down is good tho- so I am focusing on that. However it also means that I have to do more chemo. Surprisingly I am fairly calm about it. I am hoping it isn't because of things going on in my head but because it just is what it is. You need not know about this head of mine.
But today, even tho I know I have to have chemo, I am very relieved that my number went down a bit. It's been a while. I also called Cancer treatment Centers. Tim and I will be going in January probably. It's been 3 years of looking into it and calling and thinking and blah blah blah. I think it's a good move, to hear more options, to find out more about naturopath chemo and nutrition, which I kinda already know about but have a hard time following.
I am hoping that my handling this better this time means my faith is blooming again. Oh how I've missed that. I appreciate so much your prayers for me to have more faith. I feel like I'm ready to fight and ready to do what needs to be done. I'm still struggling with feeling like the end is so very near, but somehow my faith is overtaking the negative thoughts.
I know it's a lot to take in. I know it isn't fun. And my head is so full of both good and bad questions and answers.
God is pulling back up to the front. Thank you God. May the peace I feel right now continue.