Monday, May 31, 2010


Our sermon in church this week was amazing. We heard a story of a hero. A soldier in Iraq that died for his unit while doing house to house checks. He was shot at one house, as were some of his buddies. The shot did not kill him. While the shoot out was happening a grenade was thrown by the enemy and it landed by this man. He reached for the grenade and tucked it under himself by his heart. He knew he would save many yet loose his own life. He had great honor and commitment to his unit. He had also just become a Christian, being baptized in a hole filled with water. He was learning about Christ's love for him, learning about the price Jesus paid for our sins. And he obeyed the ultimate command, to love others as Christ loves you: to do for others what you would want done for you.
We have grenades launched at us all day everyday. Some of them are really big, some just small annoyances. We just take those grenades, hold them close to our hearts so that the ones we love may be spared. Isn't that what we do as women? We always want to take care of others. Soldiers for our families and friends. Its important for us to handle our grenades carefully. We have to be sure we handle them the way others would handle them for us. Have you ever had the privilege of doing for someone else? Isn't it just the greatest to be a blessing for someone else? I wonder what God had to say to that soldier in Iraq. For sure Well done Good and Faithful servant. How proud God must have been at the mans bravery and most importantly his selflessness.
It is amazing to have the chance to be selfless. To give money or things to others in need. To bring meals to others. To bring up our children to love God. To serve the church, Jesus, in our everyday life. Grenades: speeding tickets, school projects, bullies, illness, headaches, family strife, financial issues, job loss, job change, moving, staying, death, broken hearts... So many for us to catch. So many for us to handle. I hope we continue to learn to give the grenades to our Father. He can take the explosion for us. I hope we can learn to tuck the grenade in to our hearts so God can take it. He holds our hearts, therefore he holds the grenades as well. So tuck them away my friends. Hold them close knowing that who you are protecting is who God wants you to protect. Knowing that who you are loving in spite of or because of the grenade is who God wants you to love. Earn your hero status by letting God be your hero. Because we will never be good enough. We can only be humble enough to take our gift of life from God and to live our lives as he would want. So live this life. Serve. Love. Handle Grenades with care....

Thursday, May 20, 2010


So many things to say today. After such a good report from my oncologist I just go to thinking about how good God is.
And that is where my problem begins: God is good.
I received the study drug, extended version. Very good news since it shows a good correlation of a lower rate of recurrence basically. So my comment, my thoughts were God is so good. When faced with the decision to be in a trial we jumped at the chance. But at that moment of facing cancer and that battle I just couldn't handle worrying about whether or not I was getting the trial drug. I plainly said to God- hey you've got this one. I cannot think of another thing. You work it out to way you want it- either I get it or I don't.
So the question is: how would I feel if I found out today that I wasn't receiving the drug? We always thought I was based on certain side effects, but never knew for certain. I was scared to find out for certain. I am sure that had nothing to do with the fact that when I signed in they gave me papers for an Advanced Directive. Um, seriously? Followed by the paper stating the study was complete and I could ask my Doctor if I was in the study. I was the only one of his patients that was. WHY??
God? Of course. But does that mean the other ladies didn't have God? Doubtful. If I found out I had received the placebo would I still be saying God is so good? Is God bad when people aren't in the study?
I've decided I would (eventually). Why you ask. Well because God IS GOOD. That is who He is. He can't even think bad let alone act badly. So since he is good even my not receiving the study drug would be ok. Recurrence would be ok. And it would. Because there would be some reason that God wanted me back in that place. Of course I don't know what that reason would be, but that is just sometimes not for us to know.
I think God just treated me with extra grace- his specialty. For that there are really no words. I've been humbled so many times during this process. Thankfully God just gives out his grace to us at every turn- even the bad turns.
Life is moving from one normal to the next normal. We will never get to just stay in that one happy moment. We just won't. Life is hard. Life is unfair to all. We all have a thing. And recovery from that thing is accepting the new normal. So maybe we go from normal to the new normal to the next new normal. Constant change for an unchanging and every powerful God who loves us. If we don't change, we'll miss Him. So I'm heading for that new normal and I know plenty of people heading that direction as well. Me? I'm just trying to find the balance between remembering that cancer is a part of my life and I can't busy my way out of it. So some sense of slowness is coming around my corner.
So cancer- you do not have power over me. You are just another avenue to prove God is real and true and loving, no matter what the future results might be.
God is GOOD- even if I get cancer again.