What a year can bring

It is somewhat ironic that last year a niece was married in mid July, 4 days after my port was put in, one week before my chemo treatments began. A picture from that wedding is what I carry around to remind myself of what used to be. In it I looked scared, understandably so. But my hair was curly!! In my head the thoughts were a jumble- I was so glad to be there yet so scared about this journey I had to go on. And if you remember getting my port put in was one of the hardest, most 'this is real' days. Having the port put in made cancer real. But having a wedding to go to made life real, and proved it continued on.

This year, another wedding in mid August. i have straight hair. I got to wear the shirt I actually bought for the first wedding but wouldn't wear because it showed my port! My how far my feelings on that have come. Mr. port helped to save my life, so I show him off regularly. He is a part of my body now- hopefully a short while and hopefully never again, yet still an important part of all the cancer journey was and is about.

This wedding I was able to relax a lot more. I held babies (dah) and danced with Jayson, and smiled a real smile, and visited and hopefully looked as good as I feel.

Aron spoke of races, and running our race. I feel I have run my race, received my purple heart, and am ready to move on to the next race. I don't feel a lot of emotional damage from this. I am not sure if that is me lying to myself, although that is certainly not something I do often, or if I really am just ready to put cancer behind me until the next time. Yes, I do feel a next time will happen, don't really know why- but me and that darn intuition of mine.....

So I call this race run- won by the grace of God and some really great medicine. Won because I can smile and continue on. Won because although my hair is dark and straight I still love it. But this race is done. I am not sure what the next race is. I think it might be dealing with High School!! Maybe the entire district that is getting so messed up. Who knows but God, but I am sure he'll let me know when he wants me to know.

So when you see me, see my health. I don't have cancer anymore. I am not nervous anymore. I still have a terrible memory and my tinnitus keeps me from hearing whispering, but all in all a successful race.

Moving on.... to a tri- um doubtful. The marathon was enough for me.

Moving on.....

Polly and Vicki