Monday, September 21, 2009

Fingers

I can run my fingers thru my hair now. It's kinda cool. I wake up and I have bed head again. Now that is beautiful. And my hair has gone from dry to and bit oily. So many changes, they never seem to stop. Highlights are next!
I get to fight new fights now. Fights with school boards, fights for the children, fights for a healthy marriage. I like those fights. I don't even think about cancer every day, at least not in a fearful way. I don't know if I am following the process I am supposed to follow, if there is such a thing. But what is strange is that I fully expect to have cancer again- that is just what the research says. For some reason it has snuck back in on my thoughts not really as fear, although I also notice that I don't feel my emotions quite the same as I used to. And maybe that just takes time.
Life is pretty normal now. I get to serve again, although sometimes the motivation is overtaken by tiredness or doubt.
I have only 3 study treatments left, one being tomorrow. I hope it doesn't knock me on my butt again
I think today thoughts of cancer happened too often. Too many people, to many different reactions, too many changes that need to be made. Sometimes the journey seems unreal and like it didn't happen. Other times the scars are obvious. I've found that people are afraid to ask questions about my cancer-I am always willing to answer whatever I can.
So on to my treatment tomorrow and whatever it may bring. Hopefully a lunch with a long lost friend.
Life is precious, short, and should be lived fully each day, within Gods plans.