Wednesday, October 29, 2008
I guess it was bound to happen, me getting sick. 3 kids in school and I can't turn down hugs.... Anyway, nothing serious but they put you right on antibiotics when you're on chemo, so at least I didn't have to fight for them. I believe it's all sinus related, red ear, chesty cough.... I think that means I won't be in church next week. Other than that I am feeling pretty good. So keep me laughing via here or facebook, email or phone!!
Getting ready for trick or treating on Friday- resting up so I won't have too much trouble walking so far. Romeo is something else when it comes to Halloween. It's an annual party for us and that darn devil ain't taking that away. Let's see, we'll have a NASCAR driver, a cat, and a baseball player this year.
Blood work is tomorrow- expect it to be low, of course because of whatever my body is fighting off. Mom and dad leave tomorrow also, house gets cleaned and I'll stay horizontal in front of the brain sucking machine I love so much.
So on we go. Please pray that the antibiotics work-slightly anxious about the whole thing. However my DO said it was actually a good point in the cycle- kick it's butt now so chemo can kick cancer's on the 14th! Last one-last one. I can't believe it. Pray the cancer is gone-FOREVER.
Friday, October 24, 2008
I know it is so weird, but we had so much fun. I brought tattoo's (thanks Becky Jo) and we put them on all the nurses and patients and I have one on my head. It's a pretty butterfly. We were a little crazy.
We also met a couple and the husband had a great story to tell, but in essence he was diagnosed with MS a while ago and has been taking a supplement that takes away all his symptoms. This touches me deeply because my uncle had very aggressive MS and died within 7 years. very sad. And to see this man with no symptoms was a bit overwhelming. Needless to say he shared some info and I'll have my live in pharmacist check it all out. You just never know about supplements because the makers can say anything they want. But he was a live testimony, so that sure makes it easy to believe. Also something about oxygen pills- but I got really confused, so I'll have Tim read that stuff too. His wife was there to get iron thru IV and comes 2 times a week and they have found something in her abdomin, so I gave her my number just in case it is ovarian cancer. I think she gets some answers next week .Anyway, remember that purpose I was wondering about- well sometimes Jesus just slaps your face with them doesn't he. I love him!!
Today I hung a cross and wrote Jesus Juice on it. Pretty cool. So tonight I feel normal, tomorrow I will feel mostly normal and then Sunday I start to fade away, but will hopefully be able to get to church. I just won't be looking so good is all.
Love you all for you prayers, meals, comments, cards and love so much. I cannot believe the outpouring of love.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
The nurses just called about my blood work and I am a go for tomorrow. All counts were good. Now what I didn't tell you all last time is that my CA125 was at 24- the treatment before it was 20. That is a number we want to go down. Dr. Hicks said that I shouldn't worry, it's happened before and that he told another patient (and me) that he could take blood from the other arm right then and get a different result. She did make him do it and it was down 6 points... So I didn't make him do it last week, but I think tomorrow I just might. It's really bugging me!!
So today I will get caught up on laundry, and cleaning bathrooms. Already have the floors done. Chemo makes me nervous, anxious, mad, scared, happy, relieved- it's just too much. But only one more after tomorrow. Mom and Dad will be here until Thursday, and Tim and Shelly will be taking/staying with me. I have my craft all ready to go so bring it on- Jesus Juice to the rescue.
Specific prayer: NO DELAY next chemo- and healing. My risk of breast cancer is increased by 40% than the normal population, so fear never really leaves me alone.
Ok, that was a whole lot of honesty. Thanks for praying.
Love to you all,
Saturday, October 18, 2008
I just wanted you to know, in case you were wondering, that I am way over being postponed a week. I don't quite understand Gods reason, but I am sure there is one. Maybe one of the kids will be sick this week and need mommy only, or maybe my meeting on tuesday is of upmost important. Whatever the reason I know it is good even if I never do get to figure it out.
I am feeling much more awake today, able to attend our Church's Harvest Celebration and was in the fresh air for about 3 hours. It was beautiful out, chilly but sunny. Abbi helped run a game for a few hours, and Austin hung out and helped with Jayson a bit. Tim and I got to talk to people and that was wonderful. It's nice having my husband be able to do something with us during the day!
We've been watching the deer run around the pond playing, getting scared by their reflection or the fish. It's so funny watching the fawns run and buck and act just like kids!
No big plans for my extra week- get caught up with laundry and all that stuff. Think I'll lay low and let those white cells rise.
And an update on my friend Angi. Her brain surgery went very well and the doctors were all pleased with her recovery. I actually think she goes home today- surgery was on Thursday. I do not know what her follow up treatment is but will keep you posted. Please keep her and her family in your prayers. Brian is her husband, and Brooke and Hunter are her children.
See you at church tomorrow.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
That about says it all. I can't have my chemo this week, so next week I'll have another blood test and hope for the best for next week. We planned it for next Friday. I am very bummed and kind of mad but know there must be some reason.
That's really all I have for now- I'm gonna wallow for a while and then get over myself
Monday, October 13, 2008
Boy I got a good laugh at church yesterday. I also have to admit I felt a bit if relief knowing that even a pastor doesn't have a great marriage. I think we have moments of greatness and then we move into one of those pushing and shoving matches about who is right and who is in charge. It is a long process. I so enjoyed his honesty because marriage is hard and sometimes even sucks, but if we are committed to loving in spite of how we feel it will eventually become better. I think we forget to tell the newly weds these things- the honeymoon really does end at some point, but sometimes is renewed when least expected. Plus I got to see so many of you, which always makes a day good for me.
I feel quite tired and am a bit worried about being postponed this week. I have a little sore under my tongue which I wouldn't want to spread to my throat- specific prayer, please. So I think I might just lay on the couch all day, keep organizing those pictures so I can actually do some scrapping. Only 3000 pictures to go- see my problem??
Keep Alex and Stephanie in prayer as well. He does seem to be doing quite well at school and with therapy- it's just such a long road. A different type of long than last year, yet still a long one. She still hasn't gotten the break she needs.....
And I'll give you a heads up now- Looks like we're doing another blood drive on New Years Eve, so start eating that broccoli now! We'll keep you posted on all that of course.
Love to you all. I'll post again on Thursday when I see the oncologist and get counts and all that good stuff. CA 125 that day. I want to see 0....
Thursday, October 9, 2008
How boring is it when you're weekly update is about blood work!! But my counts are ok although I am glad it is not next week and right before chemo or I'd be postponed. But by next week I should be good to go. White count is 2.9, not bad, and neutraphil is 1.1 which is low. But more along the lines of my normal. I knew it would be lower only because I am more tired.
As for what I am doing while being home I have to say it involves Facebook and it is very addicting! I think we may need a 12 step program for us. I've gotten in touch with people from High School and college. Kinda fun. As for the scrapping, well, I, ummm think maybe I am procrastinating. Actually I have to organize the pictures in our computer before I can pick them out- not that I have to, but I must!! But seriously I hope that tomorrow I can start printing Austin's and organize them over the weekend and then get him done during the next week.
Jayson is healing well, thank you for your prayers and concern. It sure looks gross, though. He goes back Monday for a recheck.
Abbi and Austin are good and so is Tim. All seem to be handling things just fine. They both have all A's and one B+ on their progress reports so I don't think they are too stressed out!!
Thank you for keeping me lifted up in God's hands. I know that He is the one sustaining me and you are the one's keeping me there thru prayer. Thank you so much.
Friday, October 3, 2008
I found out my counts today. My white cell count is at 4.0, which is higher than the day I had chemo. Not sure what it means, but I'm not sick so it must mean something good. And the other count called neutrophil is 2.7 or so, which is also super good. To put it into perspective I am usually at around 3.0 for white cells and 1.9 or so for neutrophil. And on the day of chemo white cells were 2.9 and neutrophil was 1.7. Amazing? Divine is probably more like it. Wouldn't it be something if my CA125 was ZERO the next time I test for it.... HMM.
On a totally different note: When you see people who are obviously struck with cancer (the hat/scarf and no hair is always a give away) please talk to them like they are normal people. It makes my shopping trip so nice when someone just says something about clothes, or the food or the sale or anything- even if it is about our health. I would guess that most people would be not only receptive but so appreciative to feel normal for a moment. At Kohls today (I had so much fun) someone asked me if I knew of any place that had decent dresses and we just talked a bit about this new style we have to wear now.... Then the girl who rang me up told me about her neighbor who after 11 years cancer free (Breast) she just found out she has ovarian cancer. So we talked a bit. After I got back to my car I remembered I had a OC ribbon on my hat. So I went back in to give it to her for her neighbor. Remember to reach out because we are all suffering in one way or another. Go and LOVE!!
Love to you all,
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Thanks for letting me vent and whine. When I think about it I really am getting off pretty easy with this stuff. Last night I was thinking how strongly I feel that I am supposed to talk about this- the good, the bad and the ugly. I've been trying to be honest here on this page and with people with the good and the bad, but the ugly is really staying put in my head or written in a journal. I feel very strongly that God wants me recording all this, somehow for some reason that I am sure involves stretching! Oh man, not that!! But ovarian cancer is so quiet and sneaky and evil. Maybe a cancer survivor/fighter group or something- I don't know. We certainly have enough people at MCC who have fought this battle...
Anyway, that's what I've been thinking about- writing it all out- but of course having some humor to go along with it, right?? The ugly stays put for now because it is full of worry and future and all things uncontrollable. I think about our 'thrones' Andy was talking about and I realized that many years ago I got pushed off my 'self absorbed' throne, and then off of my 'perfect working mother who can do anything' throne (that one hurt) and now the 'I'm in control of this body' NOT! When God wants you off a throne he really pushes hard. I have no control over this- all I can do is take my chemo, pray, rest, and hope my CA125 continues to go down and my white counts stay up a little. I can't control anything- baldness, eyebrows (although a friend is coming this week to teach me) eyelashes, all those things that make us pretty. My kids are used to seeing me bald and when I have the wig on they stop and stare. How funny is that?? I suppose all I can control is my attitude, which is usually great, and what we do with all this as a family and continually adjust ourselves to it. It just nicer to be able to adjust things to meet our needs, not the other way around.
Today is a new day. I see a ray of sunshine. Kids are going to youth group and life is normal. Soon I'll shower and that will make all things better:)
Love to you all,