Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Goodbye

So tomorrow is my last study drug treatment. I am really excited but also feeling a little emotional. Not going to see my nurses every 3 weeks- it's my schedule, it's what I do. It's scary. My body will be on its own. And the anxiety is creeping in. I should be wanting to have a party, but I'm crying instead. Now what the heck is that all about?
My follow up will be: every 3 months CT scan and blood work for the next 2 years. Then it goes to every 6 months for 2 years, then yearly....
Avastin, the study drug. Maybe I am afraid I am not getting it- I don't know. I am almost sure I am. Can't make up mouth sores and nose sores and weird tastes... I know they are testing to see if it is effective in reducing the recurrence rate, but I also hope it helps with the increased chance of getting breast cancer. But I am letting it own me again. Guess strength comes in waves. At least the waves are much bigger and higher than when I first found out about the cancer. That's improvement.
It seems I haven't been giving God much spare time lately. It seems like there is no time. I hate moments like those. So I think tonight I will go over a few sermon notes. Man we have been having some great sermons. I have a lot to say but it just isn't going to happen today.
So tomorrow- last treatment. I pray it is the last of my lifetime.