Year

I'm not supposed to write this late, but I just can't help it. A friend and I were talking about how much can happen in a year. She is the friend who had the boys stay over night the day of my surgery last summer- took them to baseball and all that. And baseball is what brought on this rush of- I'm not sure. Not really emotions but just a sense of awe I guess. Last year at this time I was saying no to my meetings because they were interfering with baseball and family. I wasn't really sure how much more family I was going to get, you know. None of us really knows, but my view was particularly cloudy at the time. I was walking to the games in so much pain- and stuck emotionally because I didn't really have 'the' answer yet. I remember hoping it wasn't really cancer, but I knew it was and I knew it wasn't going to be good. But hope is a good thing.

It was a year ago that I had the ultrasound- and in a few weeks, a year since the CT scan that revealed my worst fears. June 12 @ 4:00 is one year since surgery- July 18th one year since my first chemo. It's a strange place to be- a one year ago place. I missed the creeping flox in my neighbors yard. I keep having to say 'that must have been 2 years ago' because I wasn't really involved in summer activities last year. Very strange.

But I must say I like one year ago. I don't really have a fear of much any more- except zip lining! I can go, go, go again. I can sit and watch baseball without rating my pain. And hair is good. So much different being a girl with a curly hair personality stuck with a straight haired head! Hair is good.

Laughing is good. Enjoying whatever I want to is good. Even the scar is getting better. Physically and emotionally. I feel like I am not sure if I really went thru all that because I feel so good. I swam today, and actually have 'good' workout pain for a change. I've started PT for my hip and back and am excited for it to kick in and 'kick butt' (sciatic nerve joke).

I met a new friend at Lifetime today- Peggy. She works there. She's bald and wears a hat. I stopped to talk to her and introduce myself. Then I said I wanted to make sure I looked her in the eyes, since people tend to be afraid to do that sometimes. She has felt that same phenomenon. Bald is beautiful. Smiles are beautiful. Fundraisers are beautiful. Say hi to her when you are there, and look her in the eyes and smile.

Life is important. Love makes life bearable. Friends and family are love.

Hug your mom. One of those lingering, tear filled hugs only a mom can cause you to have.

This is going to be my last post that I send to you all. I'll still be writing- waiting for God to tell me what to do with all this information. I envision still writing at least once a week, so you'll have to sign on to the site to read them. I am glad they touched you. I am so honored that you let me into your lives and let me share the ugly and beautiful parts of this really crappy journey. I am realizing it's a life time journey, but it is less intense now- praises to God our healer and sustainer. I feel normal now- I feel so good. I know it shows. Thank you for sharing your computer time with me.

Without my family (including in laws and my family) and my friends and my church I don't know if I would have had such a faithful and God touched journey. You were His hands and feet, His words and encouragement. Thank you for obeying and for comforting His child and her family.

Vicki

PS- Polly is still here- she is zip lining in NC. She just can't stop jumping off......