Monday, May 12, 2014

By your side

Why are you striving these days?
Why are you trying to earn grace?
Why are you crying?
Let me lift up your face, just don't turn away 
Why are you looking for love?
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough?
To where will you go child?
Tell me where will you run, to where will you run? 
'Cause I'll be by your side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you 
Look at these hands at my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in and give you life
I wanna give you life 
And I'll be by your side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you 
Here at my side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you 
'Cause I, I love you, I want you to know
That I, yeah I love you, I'll never let you go
No, no 
And I'll be by your side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you 
Here at my side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
Here at my side
My hands are holding you- 
Tenth Avenue North 
I'm sure I've heard this song more than a few times, but hearing it at a funeral of a friend I never got to meet sent me into a great place in my heart.  I can't imagine what is going to go thru your head as I write, but I've never admired and smiled about someone I've never met before.  Deb and I were FB chatters.  She is good friends with two of my friends, one her nurse, and one a friend from church.  I went to the funeral for my friend but also so that I could know her more.  And I learned so very much about her.  We would have been friends.

This song reminds me of how I became Polly Pocket- do you remember?  Pretend to be small like a polly pocket, settle into the palm of God's hand and stay put- don't jump out.  That's the short story.

Don't fight these hands that are holding you.  If I could make my own video a part of it would show me pushing His hands away, turning myself away and walking into a forest.  Why a forest?  Because if you don't have a compass, don't know where you are and get in there far enough you'll be lost.  I can assure you, it doesn't take long to get lost, and to plead for His compass.  


Look at these hands at my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in and give you life
I wanna give you life

God's hands are by His side, He was buried and placed in a tomb, while on the cross He was given vinegar to drink which represents our sin, all so He could rise from the dead and give us eternal life, carrying us to Him, to our home in Heaven.  The video I watched showed Thomas touching His side.  Oh the doubt.  Doubt is such a slippery slope, an overly wooded forest of fear of the unknown.  

To learn about Deb, to listen to the words written about her, to listen to the songs she chose for her funeral, to hear about how she dealt with finding out she only had a month or so to live… To learn all that taught me about courage.  Courage not found anywhere except in a heart of a Jesus lover.

So I'm heading back onto the path of courage.  Real, true courage.  Along that path I am making a pit stop: at the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota.  We leave tomorrow.  I'm going to have tests and find out if I qualify for the study.  And even if I don't I'll have a very good second opinion.  Fear is rearing it's ugly head in rising numbers and chemo on the back burner.  Plus it's May, so it's just the same story different year.  I should be used to it, but that fear always creeps up on me.  So although I know hardly anything about what will be happening in Minnesota, I know I will have a CT scan and a lot of testing, and get to talk to a couple of doctors.  So that is exciting.  More information is better for me!  Having some choices is always nice too.

I'll have to thank Deb for her courage, for showing it and sharing it.

Polly

http://youtu.be/7gpBudeA2Nc