I'm sure I've heard this song more than a few times, but hearing it at a funeral of a friend I never got to meet sent me into a great place in my heart. I can't imagine what is going to go thru your head as I write, but I've never admired and smiled about someone I've never met before. Deb and I were FB chatters. She is good friends with two of my friends, one her nurse, and one a friend from church. I went to the funeral for my friend but also so that I could know her more. And I learned so very much about her. We would have been friends.
This song reminds me of how I became Polly Pocket- do you remember? Pretend to be small like a polly pocket, settle into the palm of God's hand and stay put- don't jump out. That's the short story.
Don't fight these hands that are holding you. If I could make my own video a part of it would show me pushing His hands away, turning myself away and walking into a forest. Why a forest? Because if you don't have a compass, don't know where you are and get in there far enough you'll be lost. I can assure you, it doesn't take long to get lost, and to plead for His compass.
To learn about Deb, to listen to the words written about her, to listen to the songs she chose for her funeral, to hear about how she dealt with finding out she only had a month or so to live… To learn all that taught me about courage. Courage not found anywhere except in a heart of a Jesus lover.
So I'm heading back onto the path of courage. Real, true courage. Along that path I am making a pit stop: at the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota. We leave tomorrow. I'm going to have tests and find out if I qualify for the study. And even if I don't I'll have a very good second opinion. Fear is rearing it's ugly head in rising numbers and chemo on the back burner. Plus it's May, so it's just the same story different year. I should be used to it, but that fear always creeps up on me. So although I know hardly anything about what will be happening in Minnesota, I know I will have a CT scan and a lot of testing, and get to talk to a couple of doctors. So that is exciting. More information is better for me! Having some choices is always nice too.
I'll have to thank Deb for her courage, for showing it and sharing it.