Friday, June 19, 2009


Never have I left the majority of my family for a week. That is exactly what I am doing come Sunday. I am going to CIY with our senior high group. I am excited and a tad nervous, but I really feel led to be going on this. It's just that it is the week after VBS and there is no time for a rest.
VBS was awesome as always. I missed being with the children, though. I have always enjoyed and thrived on working with those preschoolers. Sure looked like they were having fun. I got to change where I usually volunteer and do the mission project for VBS. We chose Team Timmy and The Bottomless Toy Chest and the kids brought in so many games and toys, and toiletries that their cars were full!! What an awesome witness. Plus both charities were represented at the closing ceremony and got to speak to the children for a moment. It was wonderful that they were able to see how much came in for them.
So I just can't envision being away from home- oh wait, let me try. No laundry, cooking or cleaning. HMM. No gardening, no weeding, no picking up after everyone else. HMM. Can my hubby handle this- being with the boys for a week? Ha, can't wait to find out. I am looking forward to spending time with the teens since I now have one going into high school and it terrifies me. How do we keep them sweet and innocent? HOW? I am sure I'll find out more information than I ever expected.
So here I am, packing up to go to a college campus for a week. Feel like I need a microwave and mini fridge, but I suppose we can live without it.
Packing up a years worth of yuck. I really thought so much more was packed away, but that is not true. I have been unable to really feel deeply- like I don't seem to cry at things that would normally make me cry. I kinda don't feel anything except flat. But when I am with people I am happy and joyful, but when just alone or living normal, there's just not much there. I am not sure how it all fits in, fits together with everything else.
My sisters sister in law has just been diagnosed with breast cancer, in her nodes, and may be stage 3b. Cancer- cancer- cancer. I want it to have a head to I can poke its eyes out and choke it. It's just everywhere. I feel numbness, not passionate about it right now. Perhaps that is part of the journey, I just don't know.
What is this plan for me? God, what is the plan?
Guess I have my homework for CIY.
Love to all,

Wednesday, June 10, 2009


Today was a good day all in all. Did more cleaning and organizing for the garage sale in 2 days. Went to my physical therapy, made dinner, went to Jayson's teeball game and then to DQ. It was his last game for the season. Austin's team continues tomorrow night in the second game of the playoffs. STRESS!!
My mood was a bit ugly and I couldn't figure out why. It dawned on me when I finally took a shower today (at 8:45 pm) that Friday is that one year mark- one year since my hysterectomy- one year since finding out the cancer was indeed more progressed than anticipated- one year since hearing Stage 3b cancer, blah blah blah. A life changing day to say the least.
My ears ring constantly now, a little side effect of the chemo. My hip hurts often but not constantly any longer thanks to PT. My hair is getting thicker, maybe even has some wave. I still have to look twice when I pass by a mirror, though. I don't quite recognize myself. Neither do people who don't know about my fight or haven't seen me during it. Now that is strange. I've wanted to say hello to some people but then remember that I am not who they knew. I am not recognized. And other friends wouldn't recognize me any other way. What a year.
So I plan to celebrate by fasting on Friday. I am hoping you will join me, fasting for friends and family with cancer, whether cured, ill, or freed. I know fasting is supposed to be a bit personal and secretive, but what a better way to storm heaven with prayers than to ask you all for some help. No matter what you choose to fast from- you decide- I hope you will take some time on Friday to pray for those of us whom you love, for healing, strength, and hope. Pray for our families and friends. Pray for a cure. Pray for new and advanced treatments. Pray for the 3 day walk for breast cancer. Pray for the children. Pray for knowledge and information. Make out a list of the people you know who have suffered with cancer, live with cancer, have won eternity because of cancer. Put it on the fridge, then shiver at the number of people you know. My sister's sister in law is the newest addition to my list. Her name is Donna Payne. Her beast is breast cancer. I wish I knew how we could make a corporate list of all of our people, but I am not sure how to do that.
Lets kick some cancer butt by bringing it before the healer of all, a storm of prayers in one day, all day.
Thank you- just thank you for all you are to me.
Vicki, Polly and Zeva.....