Can you say remission?

Thursday brought some slightly disappointing news that my chemo had to be postponed for a week. My white cell and neutorphil count was too low. You know I just wanted to stay on schedule, but God has other plans. The bummer is that my sister flew in from NC to help me this time. We decided that means that we were supposed to have fun this weekend instead. We head to Port Huron today to play in the water and on the jet ski (I'll be the girl with no hair) with both sisters at my parents house. And now I can enjoy the peach festival, craft show and feeling well. But the biggest benefit is that I will be well for the first day of school, which was honestly stressing me out. How do I take my child to Kindergarten on the worst day of 'chemo week'? So now, no worries about that.

We also got some very awesome news, that my CA125 is down to 26, which means I am clinically in remission! I am reluctant to celebrate, but I've been reluctant to feel too much anything these last few months. But this is awesome, of course and celebration is in order. God is listening. He is making the chemo do what it should and He is healing me with it. Thank you, Lord. Thank you friends and family for praying constantly. Chemo continues for the total 6 rounds, no stopping that but that is ok with me. It's hard to argue with it when it works.

I humbly thank you, and for everyone who is changing their meal schedule. I'll have some vacancies so I will try and get the calender updated in today or tomorrow.

See you at church!

Vicki

5 days

It's been 5 days since I've cried! I think that is a breakthru. I sit here thinking about all that cancer takes from you like your independence, your identity (hair, scars, body parts), and just has so much control over what you can and cannot do. The very social person in me is just so mad about that. The more reasonable person inside me knows that now is the time to focus on me and getting healthy. But I still cry when my husband looks at me, bald head and all and tells me how beautiful I am. That's overwhelming to me. You just don't feel very lovely with a 6 inch scar down your belly, no hair and a face that breaks out because of chemo. Not to mention the port and it's own special scar. I have a great husband.

But that's enough pit dwelling. I also sit here and know that my body is healing, that my CA125 proves that which means the chemo is working and remission is on the way. I have a huge bunch of friends who work hours to make something for dinner that my whole family can eat. That is so important to me, that Austin isn't left out. I have a family that supports me by coming to stay with me for 5 days while I work thru the nausea after chemo so I don't have to deal with laundry, kids, cleaning. I have a best friend who takes all the hugs I shouldn't be accepting and another who drives 4 hours to help take care of me and the kids.

I also have a wig now. It amazes me how that helps with feeling normal. It is pretty good- very blond, but that suits me at so many different levels!!

All that to say that I think I've come to acceptance. I have cancer, plain and simple, and I'm doing all I can do defeat it. The doctors and nurses are doing all they can and the chemo is doing all it can. We're doing all we can to see if it is hereditary so my sisters have even more information to go to their doctors with. That leaves us with praying and God doing the rest. He'll make this a journey that reveals himself thru me. I don't know what that is yet, but I'm sure he'll let me know. I think it has something to do with facing my worst fears- cancer and dying while my children are young. (Not meant for tears-just is what it is)

Specific prayer requests would be for my white cell count and my neutraphil count to go up. If it doesn't get to a certain point I won't be able to get my treatment on the 29th, and I'm all about no set backs. As school starts I'll need a little energy for the homework scene. And I am very restless at night, even with medication.

Two down

Well folks, we're a third of the way done!! And my CA125 was 38. That's almost within normal range!! (0-35) Makes it that much easier to focus on the healing and the prize of no cancer at the end. Shelly and Tim stayed with me today and the nurses are a blast. We ended up singing theme songs to the good old shows and had to look up Gilligan's Island lyrics because none of us could remember what they sing at the end and how they change the words at the end. It was quite hysterical I must say...

I'm sure I'll be checking emails and this site from day to day, but I'll be down on the couch until Wednesday- which doesn't mean you can't call or email!! I can't talk long, but I'd like to hear what's going on with you. I'm missing that part of my life.

I'll post again when I am up and about. I really would like to come to church on Sunday since counts are way UP (yeah) and I don't really have to worry about that, but I'll be so tired and a bit nauseous, so if you could pray that I can make it that would be wonderful.

Thank you again for all your support and love and coveted prayers!

Vicki

Bye Bye

Hi friends and family,

Well, yesterday was the big day, at least it was supposed to be. I did get my hair cut off since I was loosing so very much each morning and that was stressful. My great wig is not so much... It came in and the girls at the wig store saw it and knew the curls and color were not right so I guess they ordered a different one, which came in earlier this past week, but it was also the wrong color. They tried to find one and have it overnighted for me for yesterday, but it was not for me. Dilemma: I find all this out yesterday, my hair is going fast but I have no curly wig... won't come in until this wed. or thurs. I could have waited a couple days with my hair, perhaps, but I still would have several days without my wig. So I decided to take control and get rid of the hair which does make the mornings a little less stressful. My mom and Shelly came with me for support. So we did find a wig to wear until the curly one does come in, one that makes me look like my youngest sister. Many years ago when I did actually straighten my hair I did look like I do in this wig. But alas, I couldn't wear it to church today. So hopefully next Sunday if I can make it to the worship jam session I will have some curly hair, although it will be much blonder, but I'm ok with that. I'm a total blond at heart (keep all smart comments to yourself).

All that to say that yesterday sucked, but today is a little better. It was a huge step to come to church but I also knew I had to- for me. And with it being all about prayer- WOW.

The kids think it is hysterical that I look like their aunt. Jayson had to stand up in the tub to check out my head without a hat or wig. Thought it was 'so cool'. Abbi and Austin seem ok with it, and Tim thinks it's kinda funny that he has more hair now, which it is!! Me, I'm not comfortable yet being bald, but I do like being able to wear a hat for a change.

Next step, the grocery store.

Thanks for loving me thru this.

Vicki