Thanks for letting me vent and whine. When I think about it I really am getting off pretty easy with this stuff. Last night I was thinking how strongly I feel that I am supposed to talk about this- the good, the bad and the ugly. I've been trying to be honest here on this page and with people with the good and the bad, but the ugly is really staying put in my head or written in a journal. I feel very strongly that God wants me recording all this, somehow for some reason that I am sure involves stretching! Oh man, not that!! But ovarian cancer is so quiet and sneaky and evil. Maybe a cancer survivor/fighter group or something- I don't know. We certainly have enough people at MCC who have fought this battle...
Anyway, that's what I've been thinking about- writing it all out- but of course having some humor to go along with it, right?? The ugly stays put for now because it is full of worry and future and all things uncontrollable. I think about our 'thrones' Andy was talking about and I realized that many years ago I got pushed off my 'self absorbed' throne, and then off of my 'perfect working mother who can do anything' throne (that one hurt) and now the 'I'm in control of this body' NOT! When God wants you off a throne he really pushes hard. I have no control over this- all I can do is take my chemo, pray, rest, and hope my CA125 continues to go down and my white counts stay up a little. I can't control anything- baldness, eyebrows (although a friend is coming this week to teach me) eyelashes, all those things that make us pretty. My kids are used to seeing me bald and when I have the wig on they stop and stare. How funny is that?? I suppose all I can control is my attitude, which is usually great, and what we do with all this as a family and continually adjust ourselves to it. It just nicer to be able to adjust things to meet our needs, not the other way around.
Today is a new day. I see a ray of sunshine. Kids are going to youth group and life is normal. Soon I'll shower and that will make all things better:)
Love to you all,
Vicki
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