Tuesday, September 30, 2008

I'm alright


Well, it's Tuesday and I've been feeling pretty much ok. I did get quite tired on Sunday which is why we left church so quickly. Have you ever gotten anxious because things are going better than anticipated?? I do know the chemo is still working since my eyebrows are now gone, which I assume means my eye lashes will be next. Silly as it sounds that will bother me because I have really great eyelashes. But I'll see them again soon.
So this treatment I brought a craft, it is actually for all of you guys who have been helping me. My hope was to engage my 'neighbor' in the activity but she was so nauseous she couldn't even move. I felt so badly for her. But before my chemo a different woman sat next to me, Joyce. And you know how you know people are Christians.... we started a conversation, she saw my Jesus Juice sign for my chemo. I found out she is a 1.5 year ovarian cancer survivor, but her numbers are creeping back up so they put her on Avastin, the study drug we hope I am on. She prayed over her blood and then she joined hands with me and Tim and prayed for us- quite obviously a prayer warrior. It was a great 10 minutes. But could you add her to your list, please. Ovarian cancer is known, unfortunately, for it's reccurance which scares the crap out of me. But knowing that Avastin is at least a next step helps me to remain calm. I learned on Friday that the voice change that's been happening is a specific side effect of Avastin, so let's keep praying about that,
too.
So only 2 more chemo's and then quite a few 'Avastin' treatments, but at least they are only a half hour now. I'm sure my anxiety will decrease as the week moves on, but I'm tired of being scared. I'm tired of hot flashes that wake me 6-7 times a night, I'm tired of the stares at stores and simply tired of being tired I guess. But I'm always a little more down the first few days after treatment. I am so thankful for my parents who can come and stay with me, for people who feed us during this week, for Miralax (gotta throw in one funny) and for the prayers, emails and visits- I do like reconnecting. It's weird not knowing what is going on with everyone else- Add that to my list of whining.
But praise God I am feeling good even if I shouldn't be. Praise God that I seem to be getting Avastin, Praise God for the people I have met along the way. And please be sure to pass on 'My Story' to your friends, as Ovarian cancer is so silent and quite the menace. It's on the resource page.
Sorry about whining, sometimes it's just what I need to do before coming back into the real world. I'm ok but I also want to be truthful and real about the whole journey. I don't want to look thru my scrapbook about it one day and call myself a liar. I just really miss being with people! I can't seem to concentrate on much of my bible study, but I guess slow is better than nothing. I decided that Philippians is where I'll start. I can handle 4 chapters!! I've even read thru it a couple times. Better head there again today.
Love to you all.
Vicki

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