What Cancer Cannot Do

That is what my newest t-shirt is about.

Cancer is so limited......
It cannot cripple love,
It cannot destroy confidence, 
It cannot shut out memories,
It cannot shatter hope,
It cannot kill friendship,
It cannot eat away peace,
It cannot silence courage,
It cannot corrode faith,
It cannot reduce eternal life,
It cannot quench the Spirit.

Isn't that just an awesome way to say so much about cancer?  Whether you've had it or loved someone who has, these little sayings are they things we grasp on to.  Because these are the things we can control a bit.

But my heart is not there this time, even tho I KNOW that this is for but a minute, that the cancer is microscopic, that this is not the time it is going to 'get' me, my heart is just lying and lying and lying to me.

God has been so full of blessings for us.  He has kept me so busy with scanning that it is remarkable.  Almost too busy if there is such a thing.  And that is because I still have trouble taking time to rest.  Shocking I know.  But I also know that I HAVE to.  I have to yet I don't.  Familiar theme.

Singing "Mighty to Save" on Sunday was really hard.  All things I know about God, yet all things my heart is just not feeling.  My mountain isn't going away.  It's getting bigger.  My anxiety isn't going away, it's getting worse.

And then there is 'Jesus Calling' today that says:

I am all around you, like a cocoon of Light.  My Presence with you is a promise, independent of your awareness of Me.  Many things can block this awareness, but the major culprit is worry.  My children tend to accept worry as an inescapable fact of life.  However, worry is a form of unbelief, it is anathema to Me.

Who is in charge of you life?  If it is you, then you have good reason to worry.  But if it is I, then worry is both unnecessary and  counterproductive.  When you start to feel anxious about something, relinquish the situation to Me.  Back off a bit, redirecting your focus to Me.  I will either take care of the problem Myself of show you how to handle it.  In the world you will have problems, but you need not lose sight of Me. 

There has yet to be a day when this devotional hasn't called me out or slapped me up!  I love it.  I just don't know how to get to the place I need to be this time.  I'm wandering.  Not flailing in my faith or belief I don't think.  Just so tired of fighting, of hurting, of not exercising and or not being able to do the things I wish to do, like garden, or walk, or play physically with the kids (I'm a rough houser by nature. Oldest of 3 daughters I've had to assert my dominance since forever because my sisters are tough nuts.)

Chemo number 2 is today.  But my CA125 is 59, down from 107 so that is very good news.  Maybe this one will knock it out of the body- for good.  Ovarian Cancer is just so scary.  All cancers are, but this cancer is aggressive and often doesn't let it's victims free from its grip.  I want freedom- body, mind, spirit.  I need and covet your prayers for me and my family.  Thank you.

So that is how I feel.  Glad you asked, right?  It will get better, this I know.  Yes, I do know.  I'll let God wash over me today as I sit, all day, with healing poison rushing thru my body killing the cancer cells that are there.  Lord, let it flow to every place that a cancer cell lives and may it kill them forever.

Onward we fight, LB,

Vicki