Hearing

We have a graduate next year!  And to know me- or mom- is to know that I have already begun to get a little ready for it.  My gardens are what I have been tackling.  Weeding, transplanting, mulching, and keeping the deer from eating the hosta's before they even have leaves.  Why are they doing that?  ARG.  They are beginning to make me upset.  But, that isn't going to stop me.  The latest project for me is the front of the house.  Many years ago we pulled the bushes out because, well, I hate bushes.  I like pretty things.  My front landscaping has been barren for years now.  So I have been transplanting hosta's since I know they are hardy and can survive anything, some Iris and intend to get a few flowering perennials as well as just garden art.  I just put in a bird bath that has a solar light in it and I am looking forward to seeing it with birds, and glowing at night.  New small table and 2 chairs, and couple decorations and I am almost feeling at home out here.  That's where I am right now, writing, listening to music, birds and crickets.


Preparing: I don't think I'm crazy to start this year.  I won't be able to handle it all next year.  Next year I can focus on theme and food. The ceremonies, and all the little extras.  She already has her varsity letter in Cross Country and an Academic letter as well.  


Yesterday I was driving home from taking Austin somewhere and a song came on, one I haven't heard before.  I should have known that I would get my 'back talk' from God thru song.  Dah.  I would credit the band, but I can't remember their name.  These were the lyrics, or a close version of them:

Let my life be the proof

the proof of your love . 

Let my love look like you 

and what you're made of.

I felt like that just solidifies my 'cease striving' from last time.  I do not believe that we need to cease striving with our relationships with our peeps and families, but we got so busy with doing things, so many activities with the children, so much busy work that I am not sure we take time to let our lives be different- to show Gods love in what we do.  I don't know if we love with the truth of our Jesus.  I'm not sure what that even looks like really. Right now my life is preparing for a party that is happening in a year so that this body, that isn't normal and can't handle all the stress at one time, can have time to recuperate, rest, and learn to live in the proof of Jesus love.  Quite the challenge, both taking time to make a new 'to do ' schedule for myself, and living in the proof of Jesus love, to love with His truth.

Truth is we all need to work on this.

So I am listening.  God has always spoken to me more thru music than anything else.  My new devotional has His voice seemingly saying, hey, Vicki, this one is for you.  EVERYDAY!  Which is good.  Right now christian music and that devotional and blogging is about all I have to give and all I can take in.

I have a yearning to be looked at, for my life to be lived as proof of Jesus and his love for us.  I know my appearance to others makes it look like he doesn't love me-and that's too bad.  My attitude rarely reflects that even when I am down for 4-5 days and a bit whiny.  I have people I can go to that help me get out of my pits of despair.  It is difficult to show I feel loved when the thoughts in people's head are so uncontrolled and so worldly thinking.  So with a smile on my face and a conversation and a giggle or two, I hope I show them some little bit of the love I do feel and the love I have to give.  I keep saying, morbid as it may be- this is not the 'one' that is going to get me.  This may be the last fight.  I don't know, I don't understand, I don't like it, but it's mine.  Mine and God's.

Good luck.  Spread some loving truth, by living and loving as Jesus would.

Love you my friends.

Vicki