That was about feelings that lie.... It's not how I'll choose to go thru this. It is just how I feel. I know better than to let myself go thru this alone, without you. I just want to cocoon. I want to be isolated. I want to be alone. But I know that's not healthy and not how I will walk in victory.
So, that's that.
Okay just posted and lost it and you know it's never the same second time written I wrote it following your message feeling your disappointment. I know how I felt with Alexander I can't even rewrite what I just wrote because my heart changes words continually but here it is.
ReplyDeleteI hate cancer hate isn't even strong enough as it has taken so much from me I was strong no challenged when I fought with Alex now I'm tired yes tired everyday Ii worry I'm not obsessed with it but you can relate. It changed me forever no lie and really not for the better. I can't relax no I can't feel humor I can't feel I'm numb yes I feel sadness but as I say it is what it is. I pray I pray and I pray does god hear me anymore I'm hoping sometimes I wonder but through it I met you you gave me hope, you came to see my son to try and understand. I can't understand and I'm sure you see it now. This world isn't comprehend able 6th floor at children's isn't comprehend able nothing about that cancer world is comprehend able and until you are living it you cannot begin to even try so saying I understand I don't I just know I lived it I screamed and cried through it and I so wished I never knew it. I regretted bringing Alex into this world having him have cancer. It stinks no sucks and I will never stop praying or believing in a miracle for you or him. Love you I'm sorry I cannot be with you through this but ever my friend you need something you know where to find me yep in the walls of my home and yes I still have that guitar if you still are in need. I love you and pray that somewhere we can all find peace in this incomprehensible world of friggen cancer love and hugs. Amen.
I'm sorry I lost my first message all from that say what you feel heart. C hugs Vicki