That's what I've come to call it. It has taken on it's very own identity in the journey called cancer. It's that trip to Mayo, the CA 125, the 'no trial for you', the growth in cancer, the metastasis of the cancer, the ascites. It was the month of crap. In fact, I think I've just recovered. I can't believe how long it too for me to process thru the information presented me back on August 7 at the Mayo Clinic. It was such a shock to the system that even my girls and I couldn't talk to each other. I think it was about a week before we could be together. However that was our fault. We had me loosing the battle way sooner than what the reality was/is.
Now remember, we had just been there in May, when I didn't have enough cancer to qualify for any trials and just 3 months later I have too much…. In July I fell. And I really think (yes it's kinda crazy stuff) that the fall caused this chain reaction in my body. I had some serious lower left side pain (kidney stone) and just believe with my whole heart that it woke up the cancer cells, caused the ascites which caused the spreading. Don't know if that is 'medically' possible, but I know my body pretty well by now… And that is what I think happened.
So what was that CA 125 that I wouldn't even tell my parents? Over 5000. That mortified me since my highest number upon diagnosis of the cancer was 276. So yeah, 5000 freaked me out. Then it rose to over 7000 the month it took to have my first chemo treatment for this recurrence. Yeah, a rough month, a rough fall. But something miraculous happened…. Some normal.
To be continued….