God IS GOOD

So many things to say today. After such a good report from my oncologist I just go to thinking about how good God is.

And that is where my problem begins: God is good.

I received the study drug, extended version. Very good news since it shows a good correlation of a lower rate of recurrence basically. So my comment, my thoughts were God is so good. When faced with the decision to be in a trial we jumped at the chance. But at that moment of facing cancer and that battle I just couldn't handle worrying about whether or not I was getting the trial drug. I plainly said to God- hey you've got this one. I cannot think of another thing. You work it out to way you want it- either I get it or I don't.

So the question is: how would I feel if I found out today that I wasn't receiving the drug? We always thought I was based on certain side effects, but never knew for certain. I was scared to find out for certain. I am sure that had nothing to do with the fact that when I signed in they gave me papers for an Advanced Directive. Um, seriously? Followed by the paper stating the study was complete and I could ask my Doctor if I was in the study. I was the only one of his patients that was. WHY??

God? Of course. But does that mean the other ladies didn't have God? Doubtful. If I found out I had received the placebo would I still be saying God is so good? Is God bad when people aren't in the study?

I've decided I would (eventually). Why you ask. Well because God IS GOOD. That is who He is. He can't even think bad let alone act badly. So since he is good even my not receiving the study drug would be ok. Recurrence would be ok. And it would. Because there would be some reason that God wanted me back in that place. Of course I don't know what that reason would be, but that is just sometimes not for us to know.

I think God just treated me with extra grace- his specialty. For that there are really no words. I've been humbled so many times during this process. Thankfully God just gives out his grace to us at every turn- even the bad turns.

Life is moving from one normal to the next normal. We will never get to just stay in that one happy moment. We just won't. Life is hard. Life is unfair to all. We all have a thing. And recovery from that thing is accepting the new normal. So maybe we go from normal to the new normal to the next new normal. Constant change for an unchanging and every powerful God who loves us. If we don't change, we'll miss Him. So I'm heading for that new normal and I know plenty of people heading that direction as well. Me? I'm just trying to find the balance between remembering that cancer is a part of my life and I can't busy my way out of it. So some sense of slowness is coming around my corner.

So cancer- you do not have power over me. You are just another avenue to prove God is real and true and loving, no matter what the future results might be.

God is GOOD- even if I get cancer again.